. prologue .

One…two…three…

Karind listened to the soft, steady beat of her heart.

Four… five… six…

How many beats till it stopped.

It was a game. Like the monotonuos ticking of a clock she felt herself slip away into a void where everything was constant but full of pain. It ebbed inside her slowly, striking her with the certainty of a queen, telling her that her life was gone and she had lost. Ironically it was something she did not want to accept. Not know. All she wanted was time, time to think of what was left to be done, yet the first signs of pain had begun to grow inside her and she knew that her remaining minutes were few.

Karind lethargically ran her fingers through her tangled, flaxen hair smiling cynically to herself as she imagined what she must look like in this state, worn and defeated. But a knock on the door kept her from her thoughts.

"Come in!" she said as the words struggled to escape her parched throat. A wave of pain seized her body then, so that Karind seemed to lose her breath, drowning in a sea of sorrow, crying out as needle-sharp sensations ripped through her chest and back. Then just as soon as it had begun it was over. Porcelein shards from the lamp on the floor were the only noticeable evidence of her most recent attack. She sighed.

The plain, oak door creaked open and a young, dark-haired woman appeared. She wore a long, marron velvet dress with a v-shape cut in front. In her soft, white hands she held a silver chalice decorated with diamonds and rubies. The liquid inside was a bright crimson.

"Mother, are you awake?" Tanith asked in a cool voice as she glanced from across the room to the broken lampshade lying crookedly next to her mother’s bed. "I brought you something to drink from the doctors. To ease the pain."

"Bring it over here," Karind said fatigued.

Tanith crossed over to the bed, her dress rustling about her feet as she moved. "I hate to see you like this. I’m afraid to think that you may not be here for…"

"…the wedding," finished Karind.

"Yet it is weeks from now!” she cried as she set the jeweled chalice down on the wooden table next to her mother's bed, kneeling down beside her as soon as she had released it.

"It is not so far away," Karind began but she sensed the fallacy in her words as she uttered them.

Tanith reached for her mother’s hand and squeezed it gently, yet not once did she turn to look directly into Karind’s pale, blue eyes, not even when she began to speak. “Life will be so different without you,” she paused, “if you die. I don’t think I could take your place, even with Clarence. His people don’t trust me.”

“But they will,” Karind said abruptly and then closed her eyes in frustration and anger. At that moment she wanted to make everything disappear, her daughter, her illness, and her responsibilties. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, not when she was this close to losing it all. She seemed to be walking a tight-rope ready to tear at the seams. And Tanith’s insecurities never helped to improve her state of mind either. Everyday their meager conversations always centered around Karind’s illness and her daughter’s succesion. Everything always ended with the same conclusion, the same inevitable end, and it frustrated her. Karind didn’t want to die. Plain and simply she just wanted to forget.

Something soft caressed her cheek and Karind slowly began to slip away. She suddenly felt drowsy, as if a wool blanket were being placed over her eyes to lull her to sleep. It would be nice, she thought, to let all her concerns disappear into a darkness. But somewhere in the back of her mind she always felt a trickle of fear, seizeing her with a panic everytime she considered letting go. Sometimes it was worse than the pain because unlike the piercing sensations that assulted her body, this panic would consume her for hours. It was always there, reminding Karind of her lost immortality, making the seizures seem more like a gift rather than a curse.

“Mother?” Tanith whispered as she placed two slender fingers right underneath Karind’s nostrils to see if her mother was still breathing.

“I’m not dead yet,” Karind snapped, opening her eyes as she struggled to sit up in the bed. Tanith took a step back and turned away, bowing her head as if she wasn’t sure how to act. Karind nodded and then stared at the chalice her daughter had brought to her. The liquid inside seemed so promising; in it, the doctor’s had said, were the ingredients meant to fight off her illness, but even now as she reached to grab the drink she knew their words were only empty promises.

“Can’t I be worried?” Tanith asked in a calm voice. Karind glanced at her daughter before she drank the medicine and snickered.

“As if you could understand,” she said as she drank the red liquid, burning her throat. She could sense it filter through her veins like tiny pricks running through every inch of her body, leaving a numbness in their path. Even now she could feel herself slip away again almost as if her pain were finally going back to its origin. Let it fly away, she thought with some hope as her head once again came to rest upon her pillow.

She turned once more to look at her daughter just before she fell asleep. Tanith’s golden brown eyes sparkled with what Karind could only guess to be tears. She stood her distance, only a few feet from the bed as she cradled the silver chalice in her hands.

“Don’t cry,” whispered Karind as she finally nodded off into her darkness.

“No worries, mother. You will never have to see me cry again,” Tanith said and smiled.