treat them right: let me pose a question. When you see something out of the ordinary, do you stare? I don't mean a long stare. Sometimes, it's a glance, something that you catch out of the corner of your eye. Here's another question. Do you feel unconfortable next to someone who is in a wheelchair, or who's blind, deaf, etc? I'm not talking about outrageous behavior, but rather as if you weren't quiet sure how to act around them.

Chances are that everyone has reacted in some way or another when confronted with someone who has a disability, and you know what, it's perfectly normal. I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit that I stare too, but that's just a normal run of the mill human reaction. It doesn't mean that you're bad for doing it. It doesn't mean you should keep staring either.

reasons and conceptions: what I mean by ettiquette is more of an explanation of how to treat someone with a disability. No, this isn't an excuse to get special treatment for the sake of being pampered. It's more like answers to questions that many of my friends and strangers have had about how to act when interacting with someone with a disability. For instance, one of the first things a person asks him/herself when they see a girl or boy in a wheelchair is 'what happened to him/her?' 'Why are they like that?' You question, but you wouldn't dare ask the boy or girl because you don't want to seem rude or inconsiderate.

Here's another scenario: You see a man at the counter of an information center. You ask him a question and he answers very slowly. This could be a speech impediment, but as sad as it may be many people attribute this to mental retardation which isn't the case.

I don't use these examples as a means to humiliate anyone. Rather they are perfect examples of the way people react to the unknown, and many times it's not their fault. Ignorance is what does the damage, and that's why I'm including the following list. It's not meant to be condescending. It's just here to inform.

with dignity, without guilt:

-- offer assistance as you would to anyone else, for example, to push a wheelchair or to guide a person who is blind. The person will indicate whether or not the help is needed, and a "no, thank you" must be respected (saying "no" doesn't mean that the offer to help is unappreciated). Most people with disabilities will not hesitate to ask for needed help and will be specific as to how it should be given.

-- do not be concerned if you use the words "walking" or "running" when talking to a person in a wheelchair, or "do you see?" when talking to a person who is blind. People with disabilities use these words themselves and think nothing of it.

-- when talking with a person in a wheelchair for any length of time, it is better to sit down in order to be at the same eye level. It is very tiring for a person to look up for a long time.

-- do not be overprotective or artificially kind. People with disabilities are not made of fine china. Allow them what disability activists call "the dignity of risk." The benefits of independance outweigh the hazards.

-- always ask before you help. Never just grab hold and pull--you may knock somebody off balance! A person with a disability should not be touched any more or less than anyone else--and that includes no petting or distracting service dogs.

-- lip reading by persons who are deaf can be aided by being sure that light is on your face and not behind you, and by taking all obstructions such as pipes, cigarettes and gum out of the mouth, keeping the lips flexible, and speaking slowly. Additional communication could include body language, pantomine and gestures of all kinds, and writing communication if necessary.

-- in a group discussion that includes a hearing impaired person, remember that the interpreter can sign only for one person at a time.

-- maintain eye contact with the individual you are talking with, whether or not the individual has sight. Eye contact is a sign of respect and interaction. It is denigrating to a hearing impaired person with whom you are speaking if you look at the interpreter, rather than at him or her. Eye contact helps keep your voice projections normal, maximizing the hearing opportunities for a person who is visually impaired.

-- never touch a person's prosthesis unless you intend to touch the person. By touching the wheelchair of a person with a mobility impairment, you are touching the person.

-- before you get into the subject of a person's disabilty, ask permission first. Show that you're aware you're breaching a boundary. You might wait a few minutes until you know each other better.

-- use nonjudgemental language. It's fair-minded, not just "politically correct," to use words that are value-neutral, such as "people with disabilities!"

-- remember that if a person does not turn around in response to a call, it may be that he or she s hearing impaired or deaf. A light tap on the shoulder to get a person's attention makes sense.

-- bear in mind that people with disabilities are not all that different from you. Disability is normal.

-- be especially patient when interacting with a person who has a speech impairment. Ask short questions that require short answers. Don't pretend to understand if you do not. If you do not understand, it is fine to ask the person to repeat himself or herself.

-- finally, be yourself. Treat people with disabilities--be they colleagues or guests--the same way you treat everybody else. Show them the same dignity and respect with which you wish to be treated.

final thoughts: in the end I think the only thing we want is to be treated like equals. Differences shouldn't give anyone the right to be belittled and denigrated. We're people too, and we feel.


The following list was taken from a manual that someone was kind enough to put in my box (basically BARBRI was telling me that their classes were accesible if i chose to take them for the bar).