Sometimes I have those days when I am sad and I ask my self why I'm here. With the challenges I have to face day after day its hard not to wonder why I exist. I suffer and there are times that I just need to break down and cry. But I don't give up, even if it feels like I do, even if that's all I want to do.

I know that my life isn't as bad as it seems. Sure, I've had bad moments, but what about the good ones. All my life people have been telling me that I can't do this or I can't do that. And you know what I say? Until I don't try it I won't believe it. That is how I discover what is good in my life. Sometimes you get so caught up in all the bad things that happen to you that you tend to forget about the good times. What good times you might ask? Life is good. Family is good. Friendship, food, music, anything that has ever made you happy, even for a second, is what I consider to be good. Its here where 'disability' has no existance.

Parents may think that having a disabled child is the worst thing that can happen to them and their baby. I know it can be pretty devistating, but it doesn't mean that there isn't hope. There will always be tough times, especially when that child grows up and begins to ask questions about why he/she was born like this. This child may wonder why people stare and why children are so cruel. This child will face many challenges and the best thing to do is to be by that child's side 100% of the way. Without my parents I don't know where I would be now. Their love and support gave me strength as well as many beautiful memories. Its those memories and the hope for new memories that give me hope.

One of my favorite stories to tell begins when I was little. You hear all these stories from parents talking about their child's first step, and how adorable their child looked as he/she fell on their butt. Of course everyone listening responds, 'oh how cute,' but how many people truly remember taking their first steps? You were probably too young to remember, and like everyone else, the event of your first steps was most probably recounted to you by your mother and father. One of my more fondest memories is related to this.

I still remember the day I learned to walk on my knees. I'm leaning against the couch, slowly moving up and down its length without letting go. I was so afraid to let go because I didn't want to fall to the floor. I look at my father and all he can do is smile at me. And that smile beckons to me. All I want to do is feel his arms around me hugging me telling me that I'm his little girl. But he's so far away it seems and I know that I have to let go of the couch to get to him but I'm scared. Yet he still stands there smiling and talking to me, encouraging me. So I move closer to him and my hand is barely resting on the couch. I'm afraid to let go but at the same time I want so desperately to be with him. Then the couch is gone and the next thing I know I'm walking on my knees. I take one step, then another, and another. I falter but my father is there to catch me. And then it hits me. I was able to walk over to him by myself. I did alone.

I remember being so happy that day. It was such a triumph for me. There I am only four years old and I'm doing something I never even dreamed of. It was a really special moment and its memories like these that remind me that I have to try. I have to try to live my life as independantly as possible because maybe that's what God wants. But there will still be obstacles, just as there will be obstacles for children born with a disability. The best medicine for your child is your love and support. Give them that foundation they need so that one day they too might be able to take their own first steps.