In all sincerity
* the law
@ 21:53
I haven't lost interest, its lost interest in me. These are gloomy days, and it could just be the hormones. I wish it were the hormones. It could also be that I get results for one test this week, and in three weeks I get the results for the big one.
I don't want to fail again. The fact of the matter is, I'm not dreading retaking the damn thing. The hardest part about it all is the fact that I feel like such a damn failure when I don't see my name on that list. It affects everything, and it feels like I'm proving all the naysayers, and it's the worst feeling in the world.
Damn it, I really should stop being such a coward and email the man at the EEOC too.
I'm stronger than this, but November kind of knocked me down a few pegs.
Comments
Yasmin,
I read your blog regularly but have never posted. I just wanted to tell you that I think the hardest thing for high achieving people, like yourself, is to not equate success on a test or paper, etc with success as a human being. I know that I become so wrapped up with external affirmations like good grades or good feed back on some piece of work that I come to think that it all that defines me. All of my women lawyer friends suffer from seriously compromised esteme issues, including myself. It makes me so sad that we have allowed academia to push us around this way. This is all a round-about way of letting you know that whatever the result on that absurdly awful exam, you are no better and no worse. You are wonderful regardless.
All my best,
Margaret
Posted by: Margaret | April 18, 2004 4:01 PM
~smooshes~
that is all.
Posted by: jonni | April 21, 2004 4:17 PM
I can't put it better than Margaret did, but keep in mind that your past results don't dictate your future ones. And fuck the naysayers! (hug)
Posted by: Steph | April 22, 2004 10:09 PM